I shouldn't be feeling the way i feel
I don't know how long i can hold on
I don't know how long i can keep pretending
I don't know how long i can keep it all in (tho isn't it getting a tad obvious?)

It sickens me knowing the power you have over me
It sickens me knowing that it's all i can think about every night before sleep
It sickens me knowing i'm vulnerable and weak

It's inevitable the way your face haunts me in every single dream
It's inevitable the way i wake up in the middle of the night with you fresh in my mind
It's inevitable that my first and last thoughts of the day are of you

You don't deserve it, i swear


Haha, sorry to my dear readers who don't understand what gibberish i'm talking about. Ignore all of it, nothing important. Random stuff, may not be referring to anyone.
(:

today was the sunflower outing :]
met alisius outside 7-eleven at 0845, took 31 to parkway. Shopped fr samantha's card and cake. Everything was still closed laah. Met the rest at macs before going to ECP. Sat at a shelter, and the three of us chatted with Shi han while the rest went to the beach and played in the water.
Then we just ate the cake and old chang kee and just chatted.
Went to Gelare as some wanted to eat ice cream.

Then went home and SLEPPTT.

Oh, and i finally created a facebook acct! I'm still pretty noob about it tho. But ohmg it's so cool can. Hahahah :)

I need to motivate myself to be a hardcore mugger.
I'm distracted by so many distractions!

And i'm missing so many people right now too
):

and i no longer know what to do.

There’s this hollowness that won’t go away.
Why do we like to hurt?

No more sad amirah.

Just finished 20 times a lady by Karyn Bosnak.
It's a really funny romance novel.
(:

and ohmg my mum just told me she googled my full name and found someone else with my exact full name. Except she lives in malaysia. And she's married. And has kids.

HMMM, i think my mom's trying to find my blog! (tho she claims she googled my name cos' she's simply curious)

*gives suspicious look*

o.0

The Search For Something More

My mind and heart have not yet lost a friend
Even though my senses are bereft,
For you remain the witness of my soul.

C wants me to update about farewell...but i don't feel like it. Heh ooops =/
Hmm, have been rotting at home doing some homework, studying fr diagnostics, reading novels and playing kiddy online games :D
And i think i've gained weight. Oh noooo.):

I'm sorry to those who've mentioned that I seem sad lately. Or to those who've said I don't seem as happy this year as i was last. I'll try to be happier yeaa.
:D :D :D

Okay jokes i found on the net

Why was the tomato blushing?
................
...............

Because he saw the salad dressing

=.=

What do you call a dear with no eyes?
.........
........

No idear! (No eye-deer)

Hahahahaha. Gettit?
:]

Tag Repliess
C! :D : Yea, oh noooooo. The blog suffered a quick death): It's okay we shall spread the word when sch reopens kay? :) or maybe during sec1 regist or smtg! and HAHA yes i'm sugar sweet (you are too!)

sya: Yes dear, can't wait! And aye aye ma'am i'm all yours :]

stamford/raffles: You're stamford and I'm Raffles.....I THINK! Ohmg so long since i last talked to you and i still rmb the racist joke your father made out of the prawns your mum cooked. Rmb or not? Haha(:

Mar: Thanks babe! Haha, sry i left the blog to die. And yes yes will cheer up!

gen: No prob :) glad you liked it!

Lydia: Oh man, i'm having camp blues and i reeeally miss our ahem*inside jokes*ahem. HAHAH and all the times you embarressed yrself. Wahaha :D


I was reading your letters to me. It's amazing how one can change so drastically in a matter of two years. You used to complain people don't smile often enough. Now, you don't smile anymore.
I smiled like a loon reading your letters, there's an air of innocence and childishness to it.
I can't recall the last time I was that happy.

I'm sorry i have to move on, and leave you behind. I had to let go of the pain.
Thank you by fr getting me a gift from china!
:)

The sea changes colour but the sea does not change.

PSLs, WE HAVE A BLOG!

CLICK HERE

PLS TAG, LINK and KEEP IT ALIVE!
Spread the word people

:D

Life In a Glass House

I don't wanna be here,

if you're gonna be there

I miss alot of things right now.

I miss lower sec

I miss kindergarten

I miss watching pokemon, sakura, bob the builder

I miss ilhan. It's been over a month since i got to hold him. ): I'm scared he'd outgrow his cuteness.

I miss hanging out with my cousins in msia like when we were little

I miss times where i could talk hours on the phone with friends just cos' we're bored (now we're too busy)

I miss Shephard pie

I miss tang house's hor fun

I miss haagen daz (sp?)

I miss being in sabah and brunei with my fellow guides.
and i miss those long bus rides and rooming with the 3 most awesome people.
and i wonder how the brownies are doing!
Thus, just felt like uploading some pics.
(:

Brunei Guides!

Everyone's little favourite - alwany!

At Changi Airport - before departure

Coastal area outside our Resort

River Cruise - spotted fireflies only and no crocodiles!

Ohmygoshness - the nicest beef soup ever.

And great company of course.

(:

Mt. Kinabalu!

the nose blowing flute

at the longhouse

the leaves we were supposed to use as plates fr our meal initially

at the stream with the cleanest and cool water. Everyone's prawn catching

the lady there was so nice. Taught me how to remove the rubberband from the complicated wooden structure (that means in their culture that i'm gna marry a rich husband! HAHA :D)

Cedar Guides and TKPS Brownies at Sabah Giri Guides HQ

"Silence!"

Our own cooked food

Tip of Borneo

Oh gosh, i miss that 6 days.

But they'll be forever cherished.

<3

Mar: Yess, imy too. Must must go out soon. (:

Sidewalks,

Running away from the streets we knew;

Sidewalks,

Like the time we thought was made for you.

The bridges are crumpled,

The water soaks into rocks,

That fell at the bottom of the road.

Forgot to thank my lovely angel and manito (Sabrina and Li Ying) fr the lovely gifts. So thank youuu!

Now, isn't this better?

(:

TAG REPLIESS

Khad: HAHAHA. Who's idea ah that silly game? *points finger at you* YEA OH MAN, I'm gna miss hanging with actv. dept alot alot alot...)): but thank you dear fr all the amazingly awesome fun times

hock: yea, we should! any slc outings? haha or maybe ask mar organize sana outing then i'll tag along :D and long time since i've talked to you, everything alright? (;

C! :D : no, you whr got look kuku! Nice whaat! Hahaha, and thanks thanks yes i'm very vivd. Hohoho :)

Amanda: HAHAHA OMG YES. And how we were so nervous before colours! And how many times we had to tie and retie the flag scared ahem was gna scold us fr taking too long!

I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if i see you lying in that hospital bed, i won't feel a single inch of pity or remorse. I'm afraid i'll actuallize this cold, heartless side of me. Cos' i know when i do see you lying in that hospital bed, i won't feel a single inch of pity or remorse.

Hate you? No.
I just hate the things you've done
And all the sins you've committed.
How you broke your family
But who am i to forgive nor judge?
I am not god.

And it's quite a burden, knowing the things you've done. But pretending i don't just like the rest of our family who's pretty much clueless.

I hate how blogs have the power to hurt the feelings of others. I think that people who have negative things to say about others should be considerate and keep it to yourself instead of blogging it all out as though it's your own private journal. It's not. It's the world wide web, the in-ter-net, incase you didn't know.

I think blogs gives us the courage to say things about other people that we wouldn't dare say to their face. It gives us virtual courage, fake courage, imaginary courage. Some people use blogs as a mean of reflection of their lives, some use it fr recreatonal purposes or when they're free, some use it to deposit all the burning emotions and thoughts they held inside fr that day.

But what if these thoughts or emotions hurt others? What if by you being selfish, needing to deposit these burdens just to make yourself feel better, makes others feel worse?

Think about it.

Nah, not referring to anyone. But if you feel the spice/pinch of my words, then hey reconsider the way you blog.

Met up with yan hong fr lunch. like finally :] Don't know why she wants to cover her face in the pic, she's so pretty can! Missed her alot, and we caught up about quite alot of things. She didn't change too much, of which i thank god for :D

MUST MEET UP SOON OKAY!

I'm messing up so many things these days.

You know how people say there'll come a time in your life where you can't depend on others but solely yourself. Well, that time has come for me (which is a tad early considering i'm only 15). I have to move on. We shouldn't keep using each other like this.

Why was i too blind to see? Sya was right, C was right, by was right, atiqah was right. It took me 4 close friends to mention the same things before it finally clicked in this thick skull of mine.

Anyway, PSL farewell is next monday
:D

OH MANN. This scene is so cool :D I can't wait!

What if i'm the bad guy?

Tag Replies

Deryn: You too dear, Good job!
Sec2 cedarian: haha coool :D you mind saying who you are tho?
Lydia: HAHAHA you know how much i miss it! YELLOW SNAKE
Sarah: blogged! what's your link ahhh?
Kemei: Love ya too :]
Simin: haha dont want ah, im shy. YOU must talk to me okay :D
yibei: hahaha do you have a blog? and camp was reaaly fun ^^

Pics of one station

Tiong wei and his funny sleeping

Jerald said: We lost our first kiss to each other! Oh my, poor things

Every Night Is Another Story

As happens sometimes a moment settled...
and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped…
for much, much more than a moment.
And then the moment was gone.

Sometimes things don't always go the way we planned. One night everything may just be perfect, and the next your whole world crumbles. Expect the unexpected. Hope for the best, but be prepared fr the worst cos' in this world, surprises (good or bad) will be thrown upon us sooner or later. Be prepared.

Okay, enough with the cheemness. Shall do a up a long update, tho not as detailed as i'd like cos' well my memory's quite rusty so yeaa...

1) RGS PEER SUPPORT SHARING 08 - 25th Oct

Met up with EXCO (except vina) at dhoby ghaut and took a bus to RGS. Oh man, i think we were suuuuuper nervours and trying to memorise all our slides. Cos' apparantly, Cedar and VS PSB had to share with all the 18 schools invited plus RGS. Met some St. Pats boys in the bus whom later told us that they were freaked when they saw us memorizing like hell on the bus as they thought everyone had to do some presentation or something of that sort. HAHA.

Anyway, registered and guess whaaat! We were splitted.); My group was called KINGS. Thank god there was a familiar face in my group. Mostly talked to this tkgs prefect vaishnavi, this hc guy whom i can't rmb the name =/ and by. Hmm, i cant rmb the rest of my members! oh mannn

Had icebreakers and then talks by the counsellor of RGS and another speaker which i can't rmb either. But fr the first speaker, i was damn freaked laaah. She went around the whole room asking ppl to demo stuffs fr her or asking his/her opinions on matters which im totally unfamiliar with. I didn't know whether to look away, and she'll think i don't want to be asked and then she'll want to ask me more or if i should keep eye contact but then she'll think im dying to answer or smtg =.= but I'm lucky! Both people behind and infront me were targets! Goodnesss

ANYWAY, after a long and nervous wait. It was finally time fr us to present. Gosh, i've never been THAT nervous in my life. But after verbalising a few sentances, felt much better.(:

Supposed to go home with by but many turned out to live in the east! so yay :] hmm overall enjoyed myself, learned alot, and omg the st pat boys did an arab dance! HAHAHAHA
Which was very entertaining and calmed me down abit.

I don't have my group's pic, and this happens to be the only pic i have (which C gave to me)

Oh wow, i look so cool lorh!

2) MT O lvls - 5th nov

Oh my oh my.); supposed to be easy but i really dnkw. Hope it turns out well. I really didn't know whether to do karangan krits or naratif. ));

3) GUIDES ANNUAL CAMP '08 - 6th to 9th Nov

Camp Olympics - Ready, Set, Go!

Actually, i still can't believe they chose a theme i suggested. HEH CLAIMING CREDIT! Kidding kidding :) So fr this camp, i was placed in patrol Milo Susilo (EH THE NAME NOT MY IDEA WOKAAAY). hahah(:

I think camp went well overall, tho we took out some games we planned so hard for.

ECP was the most enjoyable fr me. Even tho i promised myself during icamp i would never ever inline skate, but i broke that promise anyway. Taught my manito(Li Ying) to cycle! Hehh :] And oh my SPOT AN OLYMPIAN was awesome fun :D

At least that's what it looked like fr fangwei and I who did the usual i/c stuff (supervising/walking around). THANK YOU KEMEI, DAMIA, AND DERYN fr going thru with the riduculous
lovely disguise idea. YAY(:

Bonded alot with the sec3s and i love you guys alot. Shall do my thank you list now.

Thank you Activities dept fr being the greatest dept and fr all the fun. You guys really made me enjoy planning fr the camp and the camp itself. And ofcourse, all the stupid things we did in meetings. At PP Macs, Kfc, some ulu corner of a CC, school, ECP. Hahah :D

Namely Sarah, Kemei, Fang Wei, Lydia, Mel, Yikheng and khadija!

Thank you christine fr being such a cool beside-my-bed buddy. And fr showing me the indian version of Twinkle little stars

Thank you colours party fr the enjoyable times and practices spent tgt

Okay, hahah lazy continue on ready, but to all sec 3s THANK YOU AND WELL DONE (fr everything)

I'm gna miss camping days! (with you people)

));

4) Temasek Junior College 3rd Student Leadership Congress - 10 to 11th nov

Stepping Out, Stepping Up

I was all PHEW when they informed me i was in group 12 with jia ai. And deryn and Joyp were in goup 13 tgt too. Cos well frankly speaking, i was pretty intimidated with the overwhelming numbers of TJC-ians and JC students attending the congress and there were only like 5 sec schools?

So in group 12 there were:

Facils

Nivia aka Vee, Tiong Wei, Wen Chuen

TJC People

Syaz, Sharron, Yeow Choon, Guo Wei, Shimin, Shanmin

Others

Jerald (VJ), Wan Swen (VJ), Jia Ai and me.

Basically, my group rocked! Had an awesome time with them.

DAY ONE

After icebreakers, we went fr JOB-HUNT. Our group was splitted further into 3 smaller groups. I was grouped with Jerald and Rui Wen. Oh man, it was nothing short of awesome hanging with those two. SOOOO...our group was allocated KATONG MALL to find a job. Well, Jerald Ruiwen and I faced 9 rejections before reaching Duo Yuan Education centre on the 4th floor of katong mall. And the lady was from china, and didn't know any English.

SO YEA, we persisted on with the job. The lady really wanted to support our cause and gave us this letter to parents in which we had to translate frm chinese to english. And yes like Jerald said, i've never touched chinese fr my entire life (except sec1 whr i took csp) and so, i depended heavily on their traslating abilities.

We finished the letter at 1pm and the job was supposed to end at 3pm. So the lady decided to sit and talk to us, feeling that by sharing her personal experience, we would learn way more than physically doing something. So we had some sort of interrogating-cum-interview-cum-sharing session. She asked our names so the other 2 gave their chinese name, and i just said "amirah". And she asked if that was spanish! Goodnesss >.<

The first question she posed was: What would you do if your employer was dissatisfied with your work and criticized you and you feel that it is unfair?

One by one we had to give our answers. So stress! Hmm, i said something about asking my fellow colleagues if it was fair and if i'm the only one who thinks it's unfair then i'd just accept the criticism. And if the problem continues, i'd bring hte matter up and better negotiate or something.

She commented on all our answers. She said i cannot do such things in the working world. Said i should have a stand, not let others influence me and always know what i want. I'M ONLY 15 LEH. And she started asking us ideas on how to save a crumbling business....

Basically, we ended at 2. The other 2 groups were more sway than us. One group had to check expiry dates of products in 7-eleven. Another group worked at recharge station and did labour work, mopping, sweeping etc etc.

It was tiring, but really fun and fulfilling. (:

DAY TWO

JoyP wasn't feeling too well. ):

First half of the day were talks by Social Entrepenuer(sp?) Adrain Lim and Stephan Chow.

We were catorgorized into 4 different groups from a personality test: Results-oriented, Process-oriented, Ideas-oriented and People-oriented.

Jia Ai and me as well as 2/3 the audi were People-oriented! Our "leader" was super funny from the first sentance he spoke. :D Sadly, i am a push-over and tend to do anything to make people happy. Hahah :D and results-oriented people scare people-oriented people!

Survival race didn't go on as planned due to wet weather but we still had fun. Played many interesting games - unmelt a frozen cedar hse tee, make a sandwich blindfolded, play human vers of table soccer(GUOWEI has a phobia of soccery balls! LOL =/) , eat an apple dangling on a pole, throw an egg from the 3rd storey.

In short, i love my group and TJ SLC. Shall blog people's comments that they wrote about me. Overall, they feel that i'm really quiet and small. Hurrr): but rly ahh, my whole group's made up of JC people. Confirm intimidated whaaat. Oh well...

Guo Wei: You have been quiet but nontheless a great team player! :D

Yeow Choon: Small and Quiet girl!

Syaz: Tha past 2 days spent with you was a memorable one! :D Smart, likeable & polote girl. Omg, I shall alws rmb y, Azmi's sis! :D Keep in touch

Vee: So Cute!!! Smallest member but definitely not the weakest! After second day you've really stepped out & up! See you in TJ next year i mean in 2 years haha

Wan Swen: Hey amirah! thanks so much fr all the contribution in the grp! You're a rly sweet & pleasant girl & tho we nv talk much, it's really nice knowing you! I see a bright future ahead of you! Be a good leader alright! All the best. Come VJ!

Shanmin: Hi amirah!! Frankly speaking you are the one i like best!! Don't be so quiet and hope to see you soon yea. One more year to 'O' leve;! Work hard girl!!! and keep smiling liek you always do :)

Shimin: Hello! My fellow sister guide! A guide is useful and helps others!

Sharron: Hello! ..........................

Chair:...............

i lazy type ready. Heeeh :D Okay, actually i don't even know why i typed all that out. Pretty embaressing. Shall go cross it all out now.

Basically, i love group 12. I love SLC, and of course Tjc.

:]

Pics otw!

Thank you God. Fr sparing my feelings
I don't deserve this. I'm a terrible evil person.
Thank you. Alhamdulillah. These past 4 days have been unbearable
And my stomach hurts.);

I hope that won't happen.

MT O's in 3 days!!

aaaaaaahhhhh.
Okay, well honestly i'm not feeling the heat yet.
That's bad. I'm still slacking around doing unimportant things.
Oh well.

Annual Camp in 4 days!
jiayou sarah :D
and all the way actv dept! we can do it
Sry i haven't been much help lately with the o's nearing.
AND YEAY I'M IN MILO SUSILO
:DD

I really hate not talking to you

And the bengkel melayu really helped. Even tho it's abit last minute, but better late then never right?

Note to self: When speaking to yourself (whether verbally or mentally), speak in malay! That'd warm me up, i hope. Oh mann.); I have to make things right. I have to be selfless, even if it kills me, even if it'd eat me up inside every single day, even if it would hurt me to no end. Your happiness means the most to me.