I have such rotten luck. I'm gonna go pull my hair out now.

(i guess this is what i get for) Wishful Thinking

To numb the pain only makes it worse when you finally feel it

I just choked on panadol =/

I guess I was never good at dealing with disappointment. Even when it's not a foreign feeling to me. Even when i feel it practically everyday. Some days are especially tough, when the whole day is just filled with...

Disappointment.

On a brighter note,

today was spent trying to make the people i love happier. Tho i don't think it was very successful. I didn't go for the 2/O outing in the end ): doesn't mean i miss you guys any less!

Watched transformers at century square. Didn't understand the first fifteen minutes i think =/ I was like huh what's decaptagon. AND HUH what's an optimus prime? Hahahaha
But, it was a really nice show :)
And i didn't know there's a Shop 'N' Save in Century square! Gosh, after living in the east my whole life.

I really don't get Shakespeare. The language he uses i mean. Since i'm taking Lit elect and not pure lit, that's perfectly alright :D hahaha, i mean i just can't appreciate the 'thou's, 'hath's and 'doth's. (no offence to shakespeare fans, i mean his plays are really quite nice)

IFFF i had a Shakespeare-spouting boyfriend, who recites shakespeare to me often. I think i'd have to slap him. Okay lah, maybe not a hard slap just a very gentle one. Hahahaa.

Changing topic, I've been told by several people that I'm shy. =/
Hm, it may be lack of courage rather than uh..shy? Haha
I guess i've always lacked courage, from a really young age. I remeber my parents used to bring me to Julia Gabriel Classes where we'd recite poems and do drama plays to encourage small kids to come out of their shells. So at the start of every session we'd sit in a circle, and the teacher would go round the circle asking anyone if they have any news to share. I'd always just shake my head and say "no news". Even if i did have something to say, cos i was uncomfortable with having the whole circle's attention focused on me. Haha, that's not all. We'd have this poem-reading sessions where everyone would be assigned two lines in a poem. Whenever my turn was nearing, my heart would start beating like crazy.
=.=
I stopped going there when I was 7, too stressful. Hahha :)

The absence of courage has constantly been my downfall. I still remember one of my first battles against courage (well, the lack of it). I was P1 and i had this close friend whom i stuck to a lot. She had a tendancy to..hit me. In a joking manner, but it stung like crazy everytime. My whole skin would blotch up and stay red the whole day. She just..likes to hit people me. There were many days where i'd try to tell her to stop it and shove off, but the words just wouldn't leave my mouth (lack of courage, you see). Haha, finally managed to muster enough courage to speak those words many many days later, telling her to stop not shove off.

Hahah :D

AND CONGRATS TO MELISSA!
For winning a bronze medal for Spore in AYG!
:D

In A Negative Fashion

A teenager's dream is on the sea

Ahh, the boy's so cute. :) right?

The day started out great. Ustad Azman (one of my religious teachers) finally came for class. He makes lessons really funny with all his stupid lame jokes! Hahaha :) and he's really insightful too. Atiqah and I couldn't stop laughing our esses of!

And a friend told me today that she trusted/trusts me 100%

Thank you, I really appreciate it :D

Went to TM straight after that (was quite scared i'd contract H1N1 =/)

for bro to replace his faulty SIM card

and

WE ENDED BUYING PHONES :D :D

Cos both my bro and i's contract would be ending soon so we could renew it. And as usual, we got the same phone model again. He chose white, and i black (prev it was the opposite). HAHA, it's just that we tend to spoil chargers/lose headphones very easily and so with same models, we can kope from the other sibling.

and and and its touch screen! i've always wanted a touchscreen phone. HOHO ^^

My mum was renewing her contract too, but she wanted to use her current phone. So she got a phone for dad instead (cheaper phones when renewing contract you see). And i was telling my dad over the phone about the touch screen i just got. He was reluctant, but when i said it costs $48 (with contract) and original price is $498..he was immediately like, " Okay BOLEH BOLEH!" hahahahahha :) typical kiasu cheapo sporeans

So we ended up with 3 phones with the same model...

And very surprisingly (haha, not), the model came in 3 diff colours - Black, white and Baby Pink. And guess what colour my brother initially wanted =.=

Had to talk him out of it.

He's gonna start uni soon, and the course he'll be in is filled with serious people who i don't think would be able to appreciate things like baby-pink touchscreen phones on a guy =.=

And he was trying to convince mum to get the pink one for dad, so he can switch with dad once in awhile. Gosh, dad will get a heart attack lah.

So we went home with 2 black phones, and one white. So now, i have the exact same phone as my dad. My only fear is that he'll say he accidentally read my messages cos he had mistaken my phone for his.

-.-"

I still rly love my old phone, sentimental value hur.

Haha, sorry michael! We're no longer same-phone buddies :D

I can't wait for 2/0 outing! wooh :) i really miss the bunch! I think i am what i am today partly because of 2/O.

Tag Replies

Passerby: Thanks :) but argh, i know i didn't do well. ): BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY.

PNGLIN: Hey! Awww yea, i miss you guys and you too PL! Was it fun? :) And must invite me to next outing kay :D How were the rest? All grown-up i bet!

Jia Ai and Mar: Don't worry guys. No need to get all jealous, i'm the popular one ;)

'You deserve better.'

Are you guys sure? I guess i can't help but doubt that.

But i finally grasp it all today.

What you guys were trying to say.

And i blame myself solely

For letting it get this way.

PRELIMS ARE OVER!

i've only had 20 hours of sleep in 5 nights. A miracle i survived this week!




tag replies:

sya: HEY, yep i had fun too! And you finally tagged!! :D :D
Random Cedarian: Hey, thank youu!
C! :D: Hahah yea she felt so awkward! Spent it with mar and another friend :)

i kinda love/hate these very deep conversations i have with hun.
It gets me thinking, and questioning.
It makes me cynical for days.

I absolutely adore Bedok Library :D

Mum's bday was successful. Yay :] Topped off with the surprise phone call for my brother, which made my parents smile the whole day.

borbeena, faster come back! I'm starting to miss my online buddy :)

Went and studied at bedok for four hours straight during my 'sleepy' hours. Feared that i'd fall asleep at home, and waste precious time =/ Mum was suspicious. Thought i was meeting someone =.= I shall pull a six-hour study session on monday!

Time passes really fast no? I am studying. But i'm not learning.
I'm gonna screw prelim 1 up. I can feel it.
):

i miss you (but i shouldn't)
i miss you
i miss you (i can't stand this)

I love you, Vina!

:D

(don't cringe okay )

And i love PSB :D

i really do

Today was so awesome, cos i spent it with those two!

And went home, and talked on the phone with another two :D

I used to think I was good at surpressing unpleasant experiences

But lately?

Well,

I shall not let anyone spoil my brilliant day!

:)

----------------------edit-------------------------

and i can't believe nick yeo and cedric went for HC's SLC again this year!

HAHAH, funnny. I laughed out loud when mar told me. I remember the first day I met nicholas and thought he was the most talkative person ever. He couldn't stop talking for 5 seconds straight (yes, i counted)

Or Roshan, the guy from Australia had so many creative Ideas and rebuttals, that us Singaporean were just like 0.o

Or Rasi's articulation and being able to discuss lit stuff with her

Or Peisi and I realising we were so alike in so many many ways. The way we stuck to each other the whole time. Or at night, where we'd call to discuss what to wear, bring etc the next day

Or Daniel's love to sing! and being the 'forced' leader :)

Or Jeremy always talking about his NPCC

Or Ashri and Geraldine coming up with cheers for our group

Or nicholas being able to spout famous quotes so easily.

and Ashri's super outgoingness and being the loudest to cheer! (at inappropriate times, and attract attention for that)

and rachel always flirting with nick yeo! and Nicholas getting freaked out by it.

And our fac always giving us tips cos he has this really sharp mind. And going around with his orange pen magic trick (=.=)

I miss SLC. I miss Lumina too :) and the whole creative thinking cluster ( i think i got the name correct, right? =S ).

I remember all the notes-passing session we had! Where each of us would be simultaneously passing notes to at least 5 ppl at a time, and not paying attention to a single word that whoever speaker was speaking. And how we'd always end up laughing too loudly and being asked to "maintain decorum" HAHAHA.

An embarrasing moment happened between one of my groupmate and I that still scars me till today. Definitely one of the most embarrasing moment in my life. hahahah.

I've never felt more attached and loved a convention group more than I love lumina, even after attending so many other conventions, TJC SLC, Vs-Rgs Psc, PSS, etc.

hmmmmm :)

The heat's really getting to me.

I don't want to study.

Argh.

tauge, you're not that scary!

And i shall not be intimidated by your glare!!

Saw the new moon trailer.

I bet yh's too excited for it.

Why am i spewing random thoughts?

Maybe i should stop

And actually study.

But I don't want to study.

Okay off to study!

(yes, i've gone insane from excessive studying.)

For so many reasons, i'm sorry. For choosing to not be there for you anymore, I'm sorry.

Suddenly Everything Has Changed

Pause.

Rewind.

1 year back

Or maybe 5

Change?

Yes, change.

No.

no…

We had reached an impasse.

There is no way out.

When we’ve come to a dead end,

There is no way out.

Change Charges

at us

fast and quick

Flashing it’s menacing set of fangs

In an ugly snarl

See its bulging eyes

You?

The coward that you are

Well, you’re only human after all

Hmm, just a random thought i guess.

See the picture above with people donning on masks?

Well, that's not just a random pic tho

Swine flu has reached singapore, unfortunately.

And the first case reported was just 4 bus stops away from my house!

I keep reminding my mum not to drive past that area, cos well know knows maybe the bug can stick onto the car and when my mum touches the car it'd spread to her (is that even possible?)

D:

AND I STUDIED since 8.30 am! and now's 6.40 pm

but of course, i took a 1.5hr nap and some short breaks (which turned into rather long ones) inbetween.

My head's throbbing now.

I didn't manage to cross off everything on today's check list tho ):

today's not as productive as it could have been.

Maybe tomorrow would be better :)

nellie and mar: yep yep, we'll study tgt soon :D