When Death Says Hello.

The mourners stood in silent tribute as the coffin was laid to rest. Their heads were bowed as their eyes were fixed listlessly to the ground. The air was still, the ground was tense and faces sombre.

Deep in their hearts and at the darker edges of their minds, a completely different story was at play. What was the point of mourning a death? It was maudlin. Meant for the foolish and sentimental, and those who clung onto self-pity.

The crowd congregated, said a prayer. Then they headed home, each of them locking themselves in their private rooms, glass after glass of wine. Red. White. Red. They sat there, on their favourite worn out leather chair, maundering on and on about their own troubles - to anyone who pretended to give a damn.

No one is to be maltreated, after all. Death has that uncanny power.

And the next morning, life goes on.

A perceptible change has occured, only known to the wise, and the observer.



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Just felt like dabbling a little. I do miss writing...even though i should be channelling my energy to the tons of school work I have that's constanly piling up :( Oh well...it's friday night after all! heh

Forgiveness

How is it that someone can be both greatly idolised and vilified? But then again, it makes perfect sense. Things that seem contradictory or paradoxical often makes a lot of sense the deeper we look or from simply looking through a different set of lenses.

Forgiving someone isn't easy, but then again it is. Understand that the more we care about someone or something, the greater it'll hurt. Thus, the harder it is to forgive some might perceive. But it's this very essence of love and caring that makes us forgive said someone so easily.

What does it mean to forgive? Something that i've been contemplating the past couple of days. And the best I could come up with is..that it means to move on. To let go and understand that humans make mistakes. Let it go and never bring it up again. Because to forgive is to forget.

Some say "I forgive but I cannot forget."  Isn't that a little hypocritical? A little food for thought.

Like that quote, it goes something like "The worst thing you can do to someone trying to change for the better is bring up his past." Something like that. And it's true.

Haha okay if you haven't realised the new me is kinda philosophical. AND THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISH WHOEVER YOU ARE ON MY TAG BOARD (haha sorry!! A 6-month late reply is better than no reply right xD) And yes happyperson101, the op was kinda scary. Thanks fr the concern! ^___^ Glad that you're a happy person hah!

Anddd on a completely different note, I went driving on the road today for the first time! And there were so many lorries on the road! Cue heart-attacks one after the other haha. 2nd day on the road tomorrow insyaallah! And blogger says most of my blog's traffic comes from the PSL blog. Hmmmmmm......

It's been ages since i've updated this blog primarily because i've been using my tumblr account. But i feel like a cow everytime i write something really long on tumblr and it disrupts the flow of gifs and inanimate pictures...

I do miss writing and expressing myself freely. So i guess with that reason solely, i'll revive this blog.

The past few months (6 to be precise) has helped me grow in ways I never thought possible. The countless number of new experiences & challenges coupled with lots of free time to do some introspection and reflection has led to...self-discovery. With self-discovery came acceptance for who I am and explanations for the way I am as well as acknowledging my weak points. The hard part was just sitting still and letting my mind wonder and ponder..why, why and why. I guess my main goal is self-actualisation.

I really do feel as though I've changed. For the better i hope.

One of those nights filled with self-pity. I should get over myself.

The Holes Within Me (literal meaning)

Yes, you read right. I have holes in my body. 4 in my mouth to be precise. I went for a mouth operation on Tuesday and the dentist drilled holes in my mouth and put in screws. And the operation wasn’t as traumatic because the anesthesia was doing its job and it didn’t hurt at all. How deceiving. I wasn’t allowed to see what they were doing though, all I heard was drilling noises and I could feel being screwed (lol). The dentist thought I was 15 (srsly??) and said to imagine there’s construction in my mouth! It was an hour later when I was in the train with my dad when the full force of the pain hit me. And it flipping hurt. I honestly have never felt such physical pain in my almost 19 years of existence. Fracturing an ankle, getting both ears pierced at the same moment all could not even come close to how much pain I felt. So yea, I might have cried a little on the train home. Hahah I bet people thought I was just dumped or something!

And can I say this, I’ll never think well of dentists. Seriously, if you’re my friend and you choose to be a dentist, I’ll seriously de-friend you. Haha just kidding! Or am i? =O

Anyway! Went to the flyer on thurs with the cousins and ilhan :D it was really quite fun because the previous time I went to the flyer (with the PSLs in sec3?), it was daytime and there was construction everywhere so the sight ain’t very pretty. But this time round I went at 7pm so I could see the sunset and the transition from day to night! Really nice :D But sadly, it was quite a cloudy day so the sunset wasn’t very obvious! Have some photos down here taken with my phone (hence the poor resolution!). Most of the photos were taken with my aunt’s min-dslr so I don’t have it right now. As usual, the only activity to do on the flyer would be to look at the scenery and camwhore. Yuppp :)

Shall do a new years post in a while! On a side note, I’m totally addicted to Adam lambert’s new single ‘Better than I know myself”. What a tune, and the lyrics were brill! Love this line: “If I wanted to leave, I would have left by now”. What a loaded phrase. Very very romantic and poetic in my eyes! Then again, I always pegged him as someone who oozed sensuality, like me. Har har, I kid :D

Feeling happeh :D

Yup im feeling really happy right now! I've found some joy in this website personalitycafe.com or PerC :) It really helped me figure out who i am and i am discovering more about myself everyday. It's so amazing how there are so many people who know EXACTLY what i think and feel and whose thought process is pretty identical to mine. (haha not forever alone anymore!)

It's these little things that i never really took time to figure out that has helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. Well, its just a flippin wonderful feeling having people understand and rationalise your convoluted thoughts. For those who don't know what im talking about, you should take these personality tests, particularly the MBTI & enneagram. It's really interesting and eye-opening. Gives you perspective on why people act the way they do. Why you act the way you do.

I have to admit though, it's pretty intimidating there. There are users from all walks of life from those in their 30s to a 52 year old. And then there's people like me. So yea there's all these accomplished people who are so articulate and eloquent who are able to express & analyse their thought processes so well. In short, it gets pretty intimidating for lil ol' me. But i'm learning something precious everyday and appreciating those who are similar and different from me, so all's good :)

Here's a short summary on the two types of personality theories (to get you interested!)

Enneagram: This examines your life's motive. There are essentially 9 types of people. This isn't to pigeon hole you or put you in a box because everyone is different and moulded by circumstances and inborn characteristics. Rather, it's to help you step out of your usual pattern of thinking, recognise your flaws and be more open-minded :)

MBTI: This is used to see how you gather and process information. There are 16 ways and this theory is more widespread than the enneagram. I had a workshop about this in cedar i remember! and then a talk about it in MJ also.

Yup basically this has been my latest personal interest! Unfortunately, i don't think i'm capable of persuing psychology as a career even though the passion is defo there. Have yet to find anyone i can discuss all these theories with in person ): But yea anyway, crux of the post is that I love having someone speak my mind in ways that I can't.

ON A MORE DEPRESSING NOTE..i have an operation tomorrow where they're gonna sedate me and all. Sarkks.

"Time can change perspectives, and just because something once had a certain meaning, doesn’t mean that it always has to have that meaning.”